There's something I feel a need to communicate.  There are many things in life we just cannot understand.  Throughout this horrible week I have come to understand at least a few things that have given me just a tiny seed of peace.  I want to share what I believe in the hopes it will spread this seed of peace to others that loved Sammy and allow it to grow and flourish.  

 

It has often bothered me that I could not picture Sammy as an adult.  I can easily picture his sister Jordyn, brilliant beautiful Jordyn, growing up, going to college and accomplishing great things. I just have never been able to picture Sammy as an adult.  It would often bother me and I would stop and wonder why. I would think about it, tell myself I was being silly, and put it out of my mind until it circled thru again. 

 

Much has been said about Sammy's smile.  His smile was incandescent.  It lit up his entire face.  There was always a sparkle of mischievous delight that let you know you were in trouble but you couldn't help but smile back.  In the last 3 months Sammy has spread his smile from coast to coast: from the homeless in St. Louis to weary waitresses and truckers at endless truck stops along the way. I have to believe that each person, no matter how broken, that was a recipient of Sammy's smile was left with a little bit more joy in their heart.  

 

Sammy had another expression that I was blessed to see.  We have a Siamese cat named Lucy.  Lucy is actually April's cat and she's just mean.  She has a way of curling up in your lap and letting you pet her and when you are distracted and least expect it, she will nail you with her teeth and claws and then vanish.  So, no one pets Lucy without keeping a really close eye on her.  One day the entire family noticed Sammy sitting on the couch, petting Lucy beside him, and watching TV.  We were all in awe.  "Look, Sammy's petting Lucy and HE'S NOT EVEN WATCHING HER!".  We just knew she would "get" him.  Sammy turned from the TV and looked at us with the most serene expression on his face.  It was an expression you associate with the faces of angels in medieval art.  He looked at us as if to say "I don't know what you are fussing about, Lucy isn't going to hurt me."  Without a word he went back to watching TV and petting Lucy. She never did hurt him. 

 

Sammy was never meant to suffer the pain and anguish that comes with adulthood. I know undoubtably there are angels among us.  I feel that for 10 years we have blessed by the presence of one of those angels in the body of Sammy.  I feel that Sammy was with us on earth for at least two reasons.  There are probably many more reasons that only God knows.  I know of two. 

 

Sammy spread kindness and joy with his smile. This smile has been coast to coast and crossed 38 states in the last 3 months. It's impossible to know how many people along his path went about the rest of their day with their heart a little bit happier.  Sammy made our world a little better place.  You could see that with the children that came to honor Sammy last night. There is no way of knowing how many lives Sammy impacted with his smile.

 

The second reason I know involves April.  April's adult life has been more difficult than any mother wants to witness.  No matter how hard things were, April would keep going because of her children.  I believe Sammy was here to  support his mother thru the difficult times in her life. He would hold her face and tell her that she is beautiful.  He would shower her with love and kisses.  Now that April has established some degree of stability, Sammy's job was done.  As painful as it is to everyone, especially April, it wast time for Sammy to return to his place in heaven.  

 

Therefore, I conclude that Sammy was an angel among us.  Now understand-he was not always an angelic angel!  But he was and is an angel. Sammy left us at what I feel was the happiness point in his life. He returned to heaven and is a child for eternity.  Think of Sammy's smile and know that he would never want us to be unhappy because of him.

 

Sammy's Nana